It’s called: How Bad do You Want It?

A motivational video on success. Don’t be fooled by it’s cliché really-buff-guy-working-out-because-he-wants-to-play-football montage. It’s the story that’s being told in the background that’s inspiring.

It really brought back a lot. A while back, I wrote on how I used to put in so much more effort, tried so much harder. Back in IB, the motto was “Sleep is an Addiction”. I could, everyone in our graduating class could, go nights on nights with less than 5 hours of sleep or none at all and still make it through the day; still make it to volunteer work; still make it to extra-curricular activities.

A few weeks ago, someone asked a question, “Do you guys ever get so busy or so engaged that you forget to eat?” I chuckled at that question, thinking who would forget to eat. Watching this video reminded me that this actually happens. We used to be so caught up on doing TOK presentations, writing World Lits, doing case studies that there would be no time to eat. I used to power through 18-hour days and eat half my meals in the car. Now, I don’t even work up enough motivation to do half of that. I’m not saying it’s a great lifestyle to live. But when you want to succeed, it’s what it takes.

IB bred that kind of environment for me and I feel as though I’ve let it go coming to university. You hear everyone talk about just getting above the average to be bell curved up. Or that they only need the credit, doesn’t matter what mark they get.

A lot of people say university is very competitive and it’s true, it can be. But I feel it would only be very competitive if you, yourself, make it that way. I feel as though it’s more of a competition with yourself. People complain a lot on how they don’t succeed or how they can’t do something. I’m guilty for being one of those. I tell myself I can’t do it before I even start.

I remember in high school on a math test, there was one question at the very end I just couldn’t get the answer to. I kept trying and trying, but eventually in the end I just said, “I can’t do it.” I still remember very distinctively what my math teacher said to me that moment. Mr. Harwood, “Don’t tell yourself that. You’ve already lost if you think like that to begin with.” It was very true. I got the test back and it was an incredibly simple method that I knew and even did it on a previous question on the same test.

I won’t spoil the video for anyone who wants to watch it, but one line that really touched me, “When you want to succeed as much as you want to breathe, then you’ll be successful.”

My parents are always saying, opportunities are only available for the prepared. It’s nice to dream about that one-in-a-million shot, but even for those that get the opportunity, they had what it takes to make that one-in-a-million shot count.

If you are going to do anything, make it count. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

piece.lemur

..and the occasional procrastination with Mob Wives. It’s a guilty pleasure.

“I wanna punch the f%&king screaming out of everyone.” This doesn’t even make sense, but it cracks me up.

My analogy of midterms: playing red rover and having the toddlers from “Toddlers & Tiaras” on your team and having the opposing team comprised of heavy-weight UFC champs.

piece.lemur

innw

A friend posted a fall album on Facebook filled with photos of colours. I’ve somehow forgotten that October isn’t just the big “MM” (midterm month); it’s also a time of change. I’ve forgotten how beautiful it can be with the leaves changing colours, bright red, orange, yellow. Maybe it’s because I live downtown now that there aren’t many trees. Or maybe I’ve just been too caught up going from lecture halls to libraries to dining halls to study rooms to bed to lecture halls to libraries to dining halls…that I’ve failed to notice the change in the trees that are around campus. Maybe it’s because the city of Toronto does too good of a job clearing the streets and pavement of falling leaves. I completely missed the trek and crunching of the fallen. I feel like the leaves here don’t turn bright colours. They just go directly to brown.

It’s really kind of upsetting. I miss the Vancouver streets. They’re colourful.

It could also be a conglomeration of all these things and the fact that I just don’t want to study any more. But alas, I must plough through.

The feeling of homesick, doesn’t usually hit me. It’s been very reminiscent.

More lecture halls.

piece.lemur

It’s been a while since I had the time to post anything, but I think today warrants my taking a few moments to reflect on the past little while and be thankful for what has been going on.

Nouns (people, places and things) I’m thankful for:
- my cello ARCT diploma; finally completed my last cello exam, been putting it off for quite a few years
- Bo, my cello teacher; if it weren’t for him, wouldn’t have done so well on the exam and Bo’s just great
- Home! as in the GVRD as well; I wasn’t home for very long nor was the summer weather the best we’ve ever had, but I’m still really glad I have that kind of a home to return to. Summer trails and hiking roots are so nice; just a beautiful province.
- My parents, who stocked me up with tons of snacks before I had to leave for school again
- Frosh week; just briefly, it was one of the best times I’ve had in life. More to come on a different post. (Will slowly update life on this blog :)
- Speaking of which, halls; no halls, no voice throughout Frosh
- A great house, Landsberg Lewis, that I live with
- Great friends who made my turning alcohol-legal an unforgettable time
- More great friends coming down to Toronto to have Thanksgiving dinner with
- And more great friends who watched the NHL season opener with me last night
- And last but not least, hockey the game itself. I don’t think an explanation is needed for why I’m thankful for that ;)

Hockey season 2011-2012 started officially yesterday. Canucks played the Penguins, pretty intense game, but we lost in SO. More hockey rant on a separate post.

I apologize for the very sporadic post, but I felt like I needed to just get a list down somewhere to keep things in perspective.

It’s Thanksgiving, but it’s also midterm crunch time for a lot of students, myself included, good luck to everyone and

Happy Thanksgiving!

piece.lemur
innw

I think I’m at that first point in life where it tells me I can shove my ‘G/S/N’ attitude up somewhere because no one cares — good, satisfactory, needs improvement. At Chapters the other day, I was picking out an MCAT review book and I saw a guide book on heading to medical school so I flipped it open and read a few pages. First title I saw was something along the lines of, “so you still think the effort counts”. The paragraph described a scenario where you had worked really hard, long hours on this term paper, but in the end only got a mark of 67%. Then it went on to say, if you’re feeling angry or disappointed from this mark, then you are probably not ready to apply for medical school. The book explains that as much as we like to think effort will get us places, it won’t. This really reminded me of a group essay I wrote during the year for an anthropology course, the mark we got was decent, but we thought it wasn’t dazzling for the effort we put into this essay. This, along with what was said in the book, really got me thinking about this effort/reward proportion.

This slow epiphany probably arose from a culmination of things I experienced so far this summer. One was the guide book and essay. The next one came from my watching a Korean drama. The title loosely translates to “God of Study” or “Study God” and the drama chronicles the journey of 5 senior students who never had good marks aiming to pass the entrance exam for the number 1 ranked university, under the tutelage of this newly arrived teacher. I won’t spoil it too much for anyone interested, but it goes without saying they’re all trying really hard, studying late into the night, waking up early to study more, doing nothing but studying. They’ve had several small exams throughout to evaluate themselves and now they’re preparing for this mock exam similar to the entrance exam. This one student, he’s been working extra hard for this mock exam because his previous evaluations haven’t been great. Come time for this mock exam, he goes in thinking if not great, at least it will be much better from his previous evaluations. He does terribly, even worse than the previous tests. Of course he’s devastated, all that effort and that’s all he has to show for so he decides he’s going to quit. Then this newly arrived teacher storms in and almost didn’t slap him across the face. A typical reaction would probably to console the poor boy, but no, the teacher says to him what does it matter that you failed to achieve your goals this time, try harder, keep trying harder. The boy goes ballistic hearing that since he’s already been trying harder and lashes out saying he knew he won’t make it to the university anyway so why keep trying. Then the teacher says something I didn’t expect, and this was what got me thinking; how can you possibly make it to anywhere if you have the preconceived notion that you will fail anyway. It is because your mind is filled with this notion that no matter what effort you try to put in, none of it will stay, none of it will matter, because it will just be pushed out by your thoughts of failure.

So, working hard or hardly working? That phrase isn’t all a joke. Working hard, putting in the effort, doesn’t mean you’re doing it right, doing it well. One last thing, happened today actually, brought this all together and into perspective for me. I’m preparing for my Royal Conservatory of Music cello ARCT Performer’s exam; it’s the last week and a half and the final stretch so my teacher, my accompanist, me, we’re all pushing really hard. But today I had a rehearsal and nothing was good enough yet. My teacher’s telling me to do more. I need to do this, need to do that, more of this, more of that. I was so bewildered because since the last time I had a rehearsal, about 4 days ago, I really worked hard and practised, but it simply wasn’t good enough. This really enforced the message, working hard and doing well can be two very different things. I was actually a little more than bewildered, on the verge of breaking down almost, because nothing has ever come this hard to me before. Hell, even learning cello at first was easier. But my effort for the exam really won’t count for anything if I can’t pass it.

I think this is a reality of things that comes hard to grasp. Parents still tell their kids, it’s the effort that counts or as long as you’ve tried. Which, despite this entire post, isn’t all a lie. To achieve anything, you would first have to put in the effort. Although, don’t get confused with the ends justifies the means. This is more of a thought on whether the means justifies the ends.

Even though the ratio between effort and result is sometimes greatly disproportionate, the ratio between effort and result is definitely proportional. Do it and do it well.

作是要有始有終。既然決定要做那就下定決心，闖出來，做好來，別中途而廢。

piece.lemur

絶対にハッピーに成ろうね。Something good to follow :)

piece.lemur

If you’re lucky, maybe I won’t be in a straight-jacket and maybe I won’t shred you apart.

It looks clean? No, it doesn’t. Why it’s an emergency exit hazard if it’s in the corner of the other end of the room opposite the door? Why would it ever be. Why would I have painstakingly taken that heavy box from under the table and re-organized the closet so the box could fit in and then have a suitcase put there under the table? It couldn’t possibly be because I wanted leg space. Why do I keep things I’m bringing back to Toronto that I’m only using sparingly here in the suitcase? Probably because I’m stupid and I want to scramble around the room looking for all my things in 4 weeks time. Why is my room ultimately still cleaner than the rest of the house, as in everything’s in place, even things in drawers? Because that is what I call clean. Not what is “clean” now, things just placed in drawers and neat piles on tables, chess sets mixed with notebooks, creams and lotions mixed with stationery. Don’t touch my stuff. I mean it.

piece.lemur

This is the British Columbia I keep telling my friends on the east coast about. This is what I love about this place. Never ceases to amaze me.

We went cherry picking and wine tasting and had lunch at one of the winery restaurants. I’m definitely road tripping again when I’m legal. Wine tasting and scenic routes all day long, it’ll be awesome. Next time, I promise, I won’t get sick on the first day of the trip!

Facebook for photos!

On a different tangent. Frozen grapes are the best. I remember I used to love them as a kid. Still do, except now I don’t have the time to peel them and then stick it in the freezer. I remember once, like 13 years ago, when my mum still peeled my grapes, I really wanted frozen grapes. But my mum was busy and she kept saying later. So I ended up peeling the grapes myself. Took the grapes from the fridge, put them in a bowl and took them to the washroom. I did that because the kitchen sink was too tall for me, even with a stool, so I took the stool inside the washroom for the washroom sink. I still remember very clearly I started around 8pm that evening and didn’t get any grapes to eat until like 10:30pm. It took me about an hour to peel them because I didn’t have any nails from piano playing and being the young person that I was, lacked some grape peeling skills. And then I had to take the seeds out too and then stick them in the freezer and wait for them to freeze over. It was all worth it though. Had the grapes while watching soap opera replay on tv. (Yeah, I watched soap operas from a very young age.)

piece.lemur

Began with Quantum of Solace then I watched Casino Royale today. Maybe I’ll continue my streak of watching the series backwards when I start on the Pierce Brosnan series tomorrow.

I got to say, although most Bond fans enjoyed Sean Connery’s Bond, I think I like Daniel Craig’s bond the best. Sean Connery’s a classic, there’s no doubt about that, but there’s just something about Daniel Craig that gets me.

Perhaps it’s his rugged features.

And, watching the Bond films makes me want a Vesper.

piece.lemur

1. I’m done with summer school. Exam was reasonably good.
2. First website I checked after my exam — nhl.com — BIEKSA IS COMING BACK. Favouuuurite :) I can still get a Bieksa jersey, and more importantly, I can get a Bieksa CANUCKS jersey. (Rumours dispelled of Bieksa Leafs jersey)
3. Just had coffee and chatted with a really good friend for an hour.
4. Going to dinner and karaoke with all my music friends tonight.
5. Another really good friend came downtown, especially, to say bye before I left.
6. Home-bound to beautiful British Columbia in T-minus 24 hours :)

piece.lemur